Letter's to Nobody
by Nick-Nacks
Summary: Tony Stark is... ill equipped for fatherhood. Follow him through his letter's to nobody.


Letter's to Nobody

_Dear No-one_

That's not right, is it? I can't call you no-one. You're my daughter for starters. Your mom insists that we can't be certain yet, but I'm certain you're going to be a baby girl. My baby girl.

Great, now I've gone and scared myself again. It took me long enough to believe you actually existed, let alone work up the courage to write this letter. You know what I did when your mom told me she was pregnant? I blacked out and hit my head on the table, out cold for a few hours. I know I should have been overjoyed that I was going to be a dad but… I can't imagine being a father. Just the thought makes me feel sick in the stomach, I'm so scared. I thought I knew terror when I fell in love with your mother. She means the world to be, you know that? It's insane as it is sappy, the fact that your world consists of one person. Hey, you're joining that world in seven months. Good luck with that

I shouldn't write stuff like this, I should be writing sappy stuff about how I'll always love you and all that. I shouldn't call you no-one, because you do exist. Yet, what else am I supposed to say?

Who even are you?

_Dear No-one_

Your mom signed us up for birthing classes. I didn't know how to react to that. She's ready to be a parent already, which is great. After all, at least one of us won't screw up. I didn't have the best role models as parents when I was a kid, so I'm glad you've got an opportunity to be a good person. I promise I'll try, I really will. I'll make sure no-one hurts you and you'll want for nothing, although your mom worries I'll spoil you. Will I? The terror hasn't gone yet, and I'm still fretting like crazy.

But on a lighter note, you know what I saw earlier today? We went shopping for baby stuff, and I couldn't believe the amount of stuff babies need. You're all so freaking tiny. So, yeah, here's me showcasing the knowledge I have on children. We were looking around the clothes section, which your mom was beside herself with excitement. And we found some socks.

Are you going to be that small? I mean, how can I even hold you if you are? Those socks wouldn't even fit on my thumb. I can't hold something that delicate, I'd break you. This isn't much of a lighter note, is it?

I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm still learning. Maybe you'll teach me some lessons along the way.

_Dear No-one_

I'm sorry. I've already made my first screw up. Fury called me this morning, you'll get to know him as the big scary pirate guy, and I had to leave your mom and go off on a mission. You see, daddy is a superhero, isn't that cool? Your mom doesn't like it; she's always worried I won't come back. She doesn't know that I'll always come back, no matter what, because I have her and you soon.

This mission took a lot longer than I expected and I missed your first scan. It's the first time I get to see you properly and think of you as a human being and I missed it. Your mom got a picture for me, but it's not the same thing. Just a grey picture and a bunch of blurry lines. She cried today, your mom, because I left her all alone. She pretended she didn't but I could tell and I don't know how to make it up to her. Something you'll learn about your parents is that I owe your mom everything, absolutely everything, and I'll never even be able to begin to repay her.

So, you're still no-one for now, thanks to me.

_Dear No-one_

Can you hear me? I was talking to you today, singing even, because the baby teacher recommended it. I have no idea what her real job title is, so I just call her baby teacher. I'm learning a lot about you right now, and it's pretty cool. Scary too, but I think I might just make it. You didn't respond to my singing, so I'm not sure whether that's a good sign or not. I think it was, I'm a very good singer. The results from the scan came in and you're perfectly healthy, which is great.

You're going to be awesome, when you grow up. Just don't go to fast, because I'm still trying to get the hang of this.

_Dear No-one_

Thor came back today, just for a short visit. It got me thinking about how to explain the Avengers to you, but I don't think that's possible. There are your uncles, if you want to call them that, like Thor who is a demi-god and someone you won't see very often. Think of him when it thunders though, because I do and I curse him for it because the power always goes out. Then there's the little bugger Barton and your aunt Nat, they're in love like your mom and I but they just don't know it yet. Or at least that's what your mom says, but they have a different way of expressing it. Don't listen to what people say, either, they're good people no matter what they've done in the past.

Then there's my science bro Bruce, who turns into a big, green giant when he's angry. He's not a monster though, you'll see that when you meet him. He'll never hurt you either. Maybe one day we'll all be science buddies together, I hope we do. It would be great if you liked science, but don't worry if you don't. I won't love you any less.

We can't forget Steve either. He's a good role model, although you shouldn't tell him I said that. If there's anyone who you want to look up to, look up to him. I've already told you about Fury, but I think you should make your own judgement on him.

Last, but definitely not least, there's Uncle Phil. We'll visit him a lot, I promise, and I think you would have liked him. He's the greatest man I ever knew; you know he once threatened to tazer me? Good ol' Phil. We all miss him a lot, but that's a good thing because we loved him. God, here I go all gooey. See what you're doing to me?

_Dear Nobody_

I'm almost thinking of you as a person now. Why? Because only a great force could make your mom lose it like that today and throw a plate at my head. I can't remember why, I aggravate her a lot. Your mom kinda smashed all the bowls too so I have to eat cereal from mugs, not that I'm complaining. She's a very calm woman, your mother, so you must have done something weird. I'm still picking bits of pot out of my hair, but I can't get rid of this huge grin. That only pisses your mom off even more, so I think I'll stay in the workshop for now with JARVIS.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot about Uncle JARVIS. He's not a real person, exactly, but he's certainly there. Don't worry if anyone says it's weird to call him your uncle, he can blast them with lasers and stuff.

_Dear Nobody_

I'm scared again. Not because of you, but because of what I saw today. I see a lot of bad things when I go on missions, but this day really got to me. The world out there is pretty awful, when you think about it, and cruel. You're just going to have to work under those layers to find to good bits, but it takes a lot of effort. I'm sure you'll be a strong woman, just like your mom, but it still scares me to think that one day you'll be out there on your own. We'll always be there for you, but growing up just happens.

Your mom won't let me wrap you up in bubble wrap as soon as you pop out of her, so I can't help you that way. People can't be shielded from the world forever, but I wish I could shield you.

_Dear Nobody_

Your mom is swelling up like a balloon, which is a good thing, I think. You know what I've realised? People normally sign letters with their name or something, I haven't. They're all blank, as though they're from nobody. Sad, don't you think? I can't think of myself as a dad yet though. I just can't write that damned word. Should I have to prove myself? Or go through a test? It seems a little cruel to let anyone become a father. I don't want to be a bad dad and I can't exactly refuse to be your father.

This is so confusing. What am I supposed to do now?

_Dear Nobody_

We've begun furnishing your bedroom, with tiny birds over your cot and everything. It's so sweet and I hope you like it. It's all sunshine yellow because your mom still refuses to accept the fact you're a girl, although most of your clothes are dresses. The sun comes up around that side of the Tower, so it's bright in the morning and we've got one of those dim night lights so you aren't scared of any monsters at night.

I want you to know something about monsters. They are real. I won't lie and pretend they don't, because that won't prepare you for anything. But if monsters are real, then fairies are too and so are all the good things out of fairy tales. Always believe that.

_Dear Nobody_

We had a baby shower today and lots of people came. It's weird to see Fury around all the bassinets and changing mats, but Nat seemed oddly… softened. Babies seem to do that to people, I mean no matter what age you are, I've learnt that if a two year old hands you a pretend phone you _answer it. _Steve was pretty hilarious when it came to that breast pump thing, because he picked it up and stuck it to a wall thinking it was some sort of light. When your mom told him what it really was, he dropped it like a hot rod and I think he nearly cried.

Bruce was sad today. He wants all of that, but he insists he can't have a family or anything because he could get mad and Hulk out. You know, if anyone deserves to have a family right now, it's him.

These people are the best of the best, all of them. Don't tell them I said that, though.

_Dear Mia_

I held you in my arms for the first time today. Don't worry. You're as beautiful and utterly perfect as I thought you would be. You have this perfect, red fuzz on the top of your head and I can't believe you're mine, Mia baby. Notice that? You're not 'nobody' anymore, you're a tiny person and a ball of fluff that gurgles and I swear no matter what anyone says, you smiled at me with your toothless little mouth. I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit that I buried my face into your curls and cried. You started bawling then, snuffling and crying for your mom.

God, you're so perfect. I love you so much, it hurts. Look, there you go crying again, probably wanted a cuddle. I love the way you just quieten down just because I hold you. There are so many details about you that are so wonderful.

I'm going to go now, Mia, and hold you close because my arms feel empty without you. We're going to grow together, all of us, and I look forward to what you can teach me. The world is your oyster, baby girl, and don't let anyone tell you different.

After all, you've only just begun

_Daddy_


End file.
